a time for gentle, a time for discipline

Today’s parenting culture is very different than it was generations ago. In this social media age there are more accounts, posts, and videos than ever of parents and professionals alike telling you how to raise your children.

It can almost be too much information— advice overload that leaves us paralyzed over the best way to raise healthy, well-developed humans.

The topic that has taken the internet by storm is gentle parenting. There are numerous accounts under different aliases that all convey the same message: punishment-free parenting in a way that fosters understanding, empathy, and respect for our children and their emotions.

It is collaborative. It is curious. It is connection-based.

A good portion of the science behind it is proven and effective. Reading books and studying data on how little brains are wired and developing can certainly be wise. It gives us a broader perspective of why our children are reacting to stimuli in a certain way.

It’s important to look at your child and the silly thing they just did and realize, “They are learning right from wrong. It’s my job to teach them _____.”

It’s important to recognize your own triggers as a parent and work on ways to calm yourself before you overreact or respond in a sinful manner.

However.

As Christians, it is more important to weigh everything against the word of God.

Especially trends in parenting.

God takes parenting very seriously. We should too. These are His children that he has entrusted to us for a short time.

It is important to instill in your children that feelings will come, but feelings are not always truth. A lot of life is learning to do the things we do not feel like doing. And feelings should never be okayed to the point where sin is excused.

In my opinion, this is the intersection where today’s parenting style and the Bible tend to split away from one another.

The parenting of today is punishment-free and collaborative. But according to the Word of God, in loving our children, we discipline them (Proverbs 22:15, Revelation 3:19, Proverbs 23:13, Hebrews 12:10-11). In loving our children, we don’t let their emotions lead (Proverbs 25:28, Proverbs 28:26, Colossians 3:8).

There is a time to be gentle. There is a time to be firm.

There is a time to feel. And there is a time to obey.

There is a time to get down at their eye-level and communicate with them calmly.

There is also a time to throw them over your shoulder while they are kicking and screaming over not getting a toy and leave the store.

There is a time to connect with them and seek to understand them.

There is also a time to say, “This is not okay behavior,” and discipline them as God’s chosen authority over their life.

How do we know which is which?

Like everything else in life, He will give us wisdom when we ask for it. He is faithful.

We won’t always get it right. But by letting our children see our humanity, by letting our children see that we too make mistakes and need the help of OUR Father, we model exactly how to live a healthy, well-developed life… a life lived in dependence on our Savior to help us when our emotions become too strong.