on marriage

I was really mad at my husband the other day.

Some of it was him.

Most of it was me.

Marriage is much harder than I once thought it would be.

Miscommunications happen. Remarks said without thinking happen. Forgetfulness and selfishness and unkindness happen.

Assuming the worst about your spouse and their motives, or viewing yourself as better than they are tends to happen with two sinners under the same roof.

Operating solo instead of a team is easy to do. Saying “no way” to their wants or needs because they don’t deserve it, not after _____ is natural for our flesh.

I’ll say it until I am blue in the face (because I desperately need the reminder, too):

Satan hates my marriage. He hates yours. He is actively trying to divide what God has put together. He is actively trying to wreak havoc on your heart, your spouse’s heart, your kids, and so on, even through the smallest and most “harmless” and “relatable” of thoughts, attitudes, and actions.

Will we challenge that today?

Love is a choice.

Choose to do something nice for your spouse today. Fold his laundry. Clean his car or his desk. Make his favorite meal. Show him extra affection. Let him go golf, get out of the house, even sleep in late.

No, it won’t always be fair. No, it won’t always be easy. But we die to ourselves to love others. By doing so, we find life.

“But he wouldn’t do XYZ for me!”

“But he needs to step up more, not me!”

You don’t get it. I’m tired. I deserve a break, not him. He can fend for himself.”

I catch myself saying similar things to myself all the time. It’s so easy to pity ourselves and let bitterness and resentment grow in our hearts toward our spouse.

1 Peter 5 says the Enemy is prowling around, looking for someone to devour. Be on guard against these thoughts. Left unchecked, they can grow into a poison that chokes your marriage from the inside out.

You can only control the person in the mirror. And oftentimes, that person needs more work than the one you married.

When I was frustrated at my husband the other day, I knew I had a choice. I could call him at work and start an argument, or I could choose something different. By God’s grace I grabbed a laundry basket instead of the phone, and began to fold the clothes he had left in the dryer. And I prayed that he would put on the armor of God like he would one of these garments, and be prepared to shine like Christ in the world. And as I folded and prayed, my heart softened. I confessed my angry spirt to the Lord. I asked God to increase my love and respect for my husband.

It wasn’t easy! I’m pretty sure my prayer started as more of a growl. And most days I don’t respond with prayer at all.

But praise God for how he loves us enough to patiently grow and change us, even though it is painful. Even though we are so slow to learn.

Today, go out of your way to do something nice for your spouse, even if you don’t feel like it. And pray for them while you do it.

These little choices change our hearts. And over time, will change the course of our marriage.